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PR Fuel: A Day Without PR People
Did you hear the news? Friday is Public Relations
Appreciation Day - in Tucson, Arizona.
Mayor Bob Walkup made the declaration earlier this week to
help celebrate a conference being held in The Old Pueblo by
The Public Relations Society of America's Western District.
"[I] encourage all of our citizens to support, understand,
and appreciate the intricacies of the practice of ethical
public relations and public relations practitioners," the
Mayor's proclamation, which was incorrectly dated April
25th, 2006, read, according to (what else?) a press release.
Walkup's acknowledgment of public relations professionals
got me to thinking. What would a real Public Relations
Appreciation Day entail? Then I thought of a better idea.
What would a day without public relations professionals be
like? Would it be like the movie "A Day Without a Mexican"?
___
The entertainment pages of the morning newspaper are filled
with salacious stories about celebrities. It's a day like
any other day, except there are no denials, no rebuttals and
no "no comments." Journalists on the beat have a field day
at first, but by late in the day they are worried about
finding a story to write. With no PR person to feed them
information, the entertainment beat writers must actually go
out a report, something most haven't done since college.
In the business world, shareholders of Giganta Corp. are
licking their wounds as the company's stock plummets more
than -25% on rumors of a massive product recall. Desperate
attempts by the financial media to find out whether the
rumors are true prove futile. Finally, with less than 30
minutes left in the trading day, Giganta Corp. CEO Hugh
Mungus faxes a handwritten note to The Wall Street Journal
saying, "We don't comment on bad rumors. No comment, I
think." Giganta Corp.'s stock falls another -25%, wiping out
billions of investors' dollars.
Weary producers at CNBC had tried to get Hugh Mungus on the
air, but they couldn't get in touch with him. In fact, the
entire cable news world has been thrown on its head and
producers have been scrambling to fill air time with news
reports from around the world. The silencing of the talking
heads turns off most viewers, who promptly discover a
treasure trove of "Law & Order" reruns on TNT.
The viewers who do tune into CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other
cable news channels find themselves watching reporters
struggling to get the facts straight. Without the
information and insights provided to them by PR people, the
reporters begin answering questions from anchors with the
familiar "No comment." One even cites his Fifth Amendment
rights.
The Federal Government is operating smoothly, but bloggers
have suddenly uncovered 16 scandals involving 98 elected
officials. The dramatic increase in scandals comes about
after reams of sensitive information are inexplicably posted
online by a Congressional staffer. Of the 98 elected
officials implicated in the scandals, 63 promptly resign
when faced with questioning by constituents.
In Tacoma, Washington, local businessperson Sheila
Stonecutter is devastated. The launch of her new day
spa/restaurant/dog grooming center is a bust after she bombs
on the local morning news show. Stonecutter was expecting
her PR person to be present to remind her of talking points,
but she can't even remember the address of her business, and
the interview turns from a promotional opportunity to an
admission of guilt related to a 20-year-old murder.
(Stonecutter drove the get-away car.)
Across the country in Fairfield, Connecticut, all heck has
broken loose. A bond issue necessary to build a new Science
and Technology Magnet School has failed a City Council vote.
Proponents of the issue showed up for the council vote
ill-prepared to argue their case and provided council
members with inaccurate information.
Meanwhile, deep in the heart of Texas, oil company Wildcat
Drillers and Sons is about to see a financing deal fall
apart. Investors were already concerned by the company's
plan to drill horizontally under the homes of Ector County
residents without informing local residents. A public
relations impact plan was expected to be delivered to the
investors tomorrow, but without PR people, engineers have to
step in to finish the work. When posed with the question,
"How will Wildcat Drillers and Son allay public health
concerns and what is the potential impact on air quality in
the region?," the engineers answer, "Goobers!"
___
This dramatization was brought to by The Committee for a
National Public Relations Appreciation Day.
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Ben Silverman is currently the Director of Development and a
Contributing Editor for Indie Research
(http://www.indieresearch.com), an independent investment
research service. Previously, Ben was a business news
columnist for The New York Post and the founder/publisher of
DotcomScoop.com. He can be reached via email at
bensilverman@gmail.com.
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