Gather around, everybody. It’s time for a mind-numbingly scary lesson in how quickly you can derail your business with a poorly written press release!
What, you think that’s not terrifying? Let’s see if you still say that after you read these harrowing tales of madness, despair, and chillingly bad grammar! If you learn anything this Halloween, be sure you learn why you should take every press release seriously…as it could be your last! Mwahahahaha!
The Terrifying Headline
Tommy was assigned to do a press release by his company one chilly autumn morning. Now, Tommy was a great writer, but he always had trouble coming up with titles for everything. The problem was so bad, every single one of his short stories were called “Untitled.”
After crafting an amazing press release, Tommy stared at the top of the document and wondered what to call the thing. He shrugged and just threw something together – what’s it matter, right? After all, the meat of the story is what matters.
Unfortunately for Tommy, the headline is what journalists look at first. If it’s not great, they don’t care, just like they didn’t care for Tommy’s press release! Not a single newspaper or magazine picked up the press release and the company Tommy worked for went under shortly thereafter!
The Improper Format
Susie was an independent woman who loved running her own business. Whenever a decision came up, she wanted to do things HER way, which usually made her a great owner. However, that independent streak would soon be her downfall.
Her latest product was soon to be released and Susie needed a press release. The only issue was she had never written one before. She looked up how to format one but quickly discarded all the advice. After all, she wanted to do it her way!
The only problem: her press release was a total mess, and nobody could read it. Some say three journalists went mad that day trying to figure out where the lead-in paragraph was. Now everyone in Susie’s town avoids her and her company like the black plague.
The Giant Paragraphs
Like having easy to read press releases so you don’t get overwhelmed? Too bad, Bobby would say, you’re going to get as much info in my press releases as you can handle – plus a little more!
You see, Bobby liked overwhelming his audiences with huge paragraphs chock full of extraneous information. He wanted you to know everything possible and you were going to like it, dang it!
However, this tactic came back to bite him big time when Bobby sent out multiple press releases crammed chock full of four pages of solid text. The local newspaper had had enough of his shenanigans and wrote a piece on how Bobby was a menace to society!
Now poor Bobby has nothing but his millions of words to surround him as he huddles in his home office, alone and penniless.
Hope you didn’t scream too loudly! What press release horror stories have you heard?
This article is written by Mickie Kennedy, founder of eReleases (http://www.ereleases.com), the online leader in affordable press release distribution. Grab three free ebooks, including the Big Press Release Book and Twitter Tactics, here: http://www.ereleases.com/insider/freebooks.html